Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
high people should be assigned attendants
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
