there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
