i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
