how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
