I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
