Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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