sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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