How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
