Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
