she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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