i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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