I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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