the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
