Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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