What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
