it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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