Redeem this text for a blowjob
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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