I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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