Duck Duck Cougar?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
