I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize