so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
