VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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