You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
