he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
