Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
