I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
