God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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