We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
