I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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