Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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