i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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