God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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