i already hear my dad disowning me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
