Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
