I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
