He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
