Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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