Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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