he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
