Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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