Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
