Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
