Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
