I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
