Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
operation harelip BJ is a go
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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