My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
