I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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