I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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