Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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