He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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