She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
