I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
