I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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