I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
