dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Come see our sink grown plant.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
