you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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