I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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