You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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