Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
