Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
