you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
