i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
