You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
