your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
