I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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