I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
