my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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