hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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