Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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