Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
