Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
