I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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